Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
