Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
