Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
