last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
