I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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