i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
