the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
