You just made me feel so damn special
if i can run in heels then i can drive
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
