a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can't believe i had my finger in that
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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