This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
