I think I won the penis lottery.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
