so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize