why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
