Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
