Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
