spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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