He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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