At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
