i may or may not be watching the land before time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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