i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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