something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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