I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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