im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
