Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
