Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
