I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
