Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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