I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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