I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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