I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize