can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
