we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize