He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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