the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
