i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize