I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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