Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
