chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
