College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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