Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
