Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
