you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
