Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
