If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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