So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
