he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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