we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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