I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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