Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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