I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
