A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
