dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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