Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
