i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
