I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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