u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
