I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize