We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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