If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A+ Viking dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
