Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
