Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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