the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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