I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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