I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
