I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
