I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
