i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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