Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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