so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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