Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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