You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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